C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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