He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Houston, we have a squirter
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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