is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
