He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Randomize
