sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
