So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
