Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
