my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
