apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
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She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
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Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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