I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
