Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
