We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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