so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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