sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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