you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
