Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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