'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
