i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
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There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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