I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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