My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
