Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.

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(201): my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums. http://tfl.nu/0487

Replies (37) Good night (7566) Bad night (1711)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.

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(402): I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song. http://tfl.nu/3qmr

Replies (15) Good night (6196) Bad night (1362)
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(209): View more from California

Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.

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(209): Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night. http://tfl.nu/9abu

Replies (27) Good night (5270) Bad night (1360)
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(409): View more from Texas

I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree

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(409): I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree http://tfl.nu/saof

Replies (4) Good night (2727) Bad night (1231)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.

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(+44): She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me. http://tfl.nu/nryr

Replies (6) Good night (2147) Bad night (1104)
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(240): View more from Maryland

This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.

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(240): This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room. http://tfl.nu/ruma

Replies (4) Good night (1439) Bad night (582)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth

(1-870): View more from Arkansas

I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come

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(870): Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth (1-870): I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come http://tfl.nu/shj4

Replies (5) Good night (1943) Bad night (782)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.

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(304): 1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills. http://tfl.nu/lzae

Replies (10) Good night (1579) Bad night (698)
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(440): View more from Ohio

I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.

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(440): I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding. http://tfl.nu/u15s

Replies (17) Good night (2321) Bad night (639)
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(319): View more from Iowa

If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.

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(319): If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine. http://tfl.nu/56iw

Replies (2) Good night (656) Bad night (1138)
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(917): View more from New York City

When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork

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(917): When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork http://tfl.nu/bkbb

Replies (12) Good night (849) Bad night (633)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room

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(303): I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room http://tfl.nu/jyfe

Replies (2) Good night (419) Bad night (600)
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(716): View more from New York

Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.

(716): View more from New York

The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers

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(716): Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one. (716): The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers http://tfl.nu/7hy9

Replies (5) Good night (742) Bad night (415)
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(425): View more from Washington

In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......

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(425): In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted...... http://tfl.nu/h5fe

Replies (1) Good night (687) Bad night (594)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.

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(203): No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home. http://tfl.nu/r9pd

Replies (2) Good night (524) Bad night (344)

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