i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
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No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
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I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.