Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset