I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just blew my weed a kiss
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?