he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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