he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.