Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
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Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now