They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
