I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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