she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
tell me about the eggs
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
