Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
