So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
