I didn't shave. On purpose
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
