yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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