addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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