He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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