just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
