the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
