So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
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you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
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My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dear god my vagina.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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