1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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