I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
