I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i wish my penis had a tongue
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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