the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We talked him into tasing himself.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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