i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Barsexuality is the new black.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
