I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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