I wish I could punch you in the face.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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