We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize