She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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