and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
