I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
