If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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