The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
