this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize