I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize