Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
