any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
