i can't believe i had my finger in that
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
