3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
