we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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