Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
