Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
