I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
