Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
