You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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