My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
