We're facebook friends in real life
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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