So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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