I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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