I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
