I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
