Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
