Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
