i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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