just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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