You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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