Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
