mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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