Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
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But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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