my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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