ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
