Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
