**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
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I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
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ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.