So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
