I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this