ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
