I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
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Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
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I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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