Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
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I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
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I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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