I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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