Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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